I Will Love You Tomorrow

Hi there,

I'm all alone for the weekend and I'm getting pretty lonely, so I thought I might as well write an entry. It's kind of like talking to people, right? Well maybe not quite, but it's all I've got at the moment. Anyway, Brian left for his RA retreat yesterday morning, and he won't be back until Sunday, so it's just me in this practically vacant house. I like a little alone time now and then, but it definitely takes some getting used to, especially when you know it's going to be for awhile. The nights are the worst. I am so used to having someone there next to me to cuddle up with. It feels so strange sleeping alone. Actually, I shouldn't use the word alone. I have to say to myself, "You are not alone...just by yourself for now." None of us are ever really alone. There is always someone out there going through the same thing as us, and more than likely there is someone thinking of us and loving us. That thought gives me strength.
It's those little things that keep me going even through the rough times. This week has been a little bumpy, and I have found myself relying on those simple comforts a bit more than usual. For example, the night before Brian left I was thinking ahead. You see, every night before we fall asleep, we do this special goodnight kiss routine. It's sort of like a secret handshake, except, well, it's a kiss of course. It's simple and sweet, and I love it. Little routines like that comfort me, but I guess the down side is that when it doesn't or can't happen, it bothers me. I am like a child in that way. I knew I would probably have a hard time falling asleep on my own without my goodnight kisses, so to help ward off depression, that night I had Brian give me all the goodnight kisses I would miss when he was gone. It's silly, but priceless.
I remember when Brian and I had to have a long-distance relationship, he would always give me a sweet goodnight call each night. We'd talk for a while, and then he would always end the call with something a long the lines of "I love you so much, and I will love you tomorrow. Sweet dreams." Those words meant so much to me, especially since words were the basis of our relationship at the time. We couldn't hug and kiss each other or look into each other's eyes for reassurance. At the time, words were more important than ever. And at that time, I was struggling with worrisome thoughts. For some reason I was so afraid to go to sleep at night, and I'm not really sure why. I just wanted to stay on the phone with him all night, and I didn't want to have to endure the darkness on my own. Perhaps I didn't like the uncertainty the next day brings. After many difficult nights, one night before saying goodnight, I asked him, "Will you love me tomorrow?" I am not one of those people that expects a promise of "forever". I could never ask you to love me forever, for that would make me naive, but if you know you'll love me tomorrow, that is enough for me and that's all I could ever ask for.
From that night on, I asked him that very question every night during our goodnight call, and eventually I didn't even have to ask, he would just say it to me. It was empowering, for more than just the promise of love... I drew strength from those words because they reminded me that everything would be okay. Yes, we can never know what tomorrow may bring, but we have to move forward anyway. A new day is a new beginning, and it's so refreshing to wake up with a smile on my face.
Love,
Kayla

P.S.
Speaking of smiles...I'm not sure how to describe the joy I felt last night when I rediscovered an old "buddy" of mine.
This is Squirrel! Yes, I know..you're probably wondering, "A toy alligator?...okay..." Haha well yep. Last summer on our trip to white sulphur springs, I found him in one of the pools. I decided to keep him as a souvenir and an inside joke of sorts. I had kept him in one of my bags for a while, but then one day I couldn't find him. I remember turning that bag inside out trying to figure out where it went, with no luck. Just last night I was looking in that very same bag for a pencil sharpener and I came across Squirrel and my Ipod Shuffle I had been looking for. Well go figure! They were right in there all along... This morning I snapped that pic with my cell phone and sent it to Brian saying "Hellooooooo". He replied, "You found him?! Squirrel!" That made me giggle. =] So hooray! Me and my swimming buddy have been reunited! LOL...I'm way too sentimental. ;)