Here is a collection of pictures of me that are kind of risque. I think they are from last fall and winter. I just get in these moods sometimes... Maybe it comes from the whole modeling thing I left unexplored...wondering what could have been. When I was fourteen or so I went to a modeling audition. I went there with everyday clothes, unstyled hair, and no make up. When I got there I felt out of place because most of the other girls were dressed in fancy dresses and had their hair and make up done. Still, I did my thing and went home not really thinking too much of it. Eventually I got a call and was told I had been picked. Supposedly out of the hundred or so people, they only picked 6. I was pretty proud to be one of them, but I didn't go through with it. I don't really know why. Maybe it was just one of those things you do just to know that you can. I mean, I didn't really want to be a model, and honestly I don't think I'm that photogenic. It's just something I think about now and then and think what if? Well it doesn't matter now anyway. I gained like thirty pounds in the past year.
Wow putting that out there really makes it hit home... that's insane! I never thought I'd be in this position. My whole life up until a year or two ago I had been really skinny. I hated the way people stared at me. I knew they thought I was anorexic or something. I definitely was NOT anorexic and it always pissed me off that people could not accept the fact that I was naturally that skinny. I mean seriously, I love food... Especially junk food omg. It's so bad. As a teenager I could eat anything I wanted without gaining weight. I guess that was just my metabolism. It might also have had to do with the fact that I only drank water and my mom and I don't drive, so we pretty much walked everywhere. I have a feeling that if I started walking as much as I used to I might drop quite a few pounds just from that.
Thinking back I remember how much I hated being so skinny. I actually wanted to gain weight. When I finally weighed over 100 pounds I was excited. Then I gradually started to gain weight, and I loved it. I loved when I finally had a butt and breasts. lol. I loved when I started to fill out my jeans a bit. If I could go back to that happy in between phase, I would in a heart beat.
Now... now I am probably overweight...I am not liking it one bit. I want to fit into my old clothes and I don't want to be fat. I wouldn't call myself fat right now, but I know if I keep this up I could very well end up that way. eeek no good. I know I don't want to let myself go like that, but the problem is I cannot stay motivated. For a while I was doing ab work outs. Then I got bored of that and stopped for a while. Then I started dancing everyday for a week or two. Then I stopped again for a while. I went out and bought a jump rope recently. That is a really good workout, but almost too much for me right now. I am so out of shape. So for the last four days I have been running for at least a half hour each day. It's simple, easy, and I just listen to music and almost enjoy it. So we'll see if I can stay committed to that....
So anyway, those pictures at the beginning are me probably at 130 pounds or so, which was ten pounds more than I wanted to be at the time. I'd gadly go back to that weight if I could.
This wasn't the skinniest I had been, but even here I think I was probably too skinny.
This is summer 2007 I think?
I think I am starting to look better. This was Halloween of 2007. I was 19 at the time.
This must've been spring of '08. I was 20 at the time
The above pic was May 2008. 20 years old
By the end of Summer '08 I had gained 11 pounds.
Valentine's Day 2009
So here are two pics of me now. Summer 2009 21 years old.
No comments:
Post a Comment